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bleak_presence
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: Calliope Metro: Gender: Female Interests: brainpower,tea&wide-ranged fields Expertise: writing,reading,&art Message: message me Member Since: 5/17/2005

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Friday, July 10, 2009

About Love

[Love, you're in texas for 10 days. starting today. and i miss you already. i miss you like ever y thing.]

it's a subject that i have to think about. a subject where my hands pause and my eyebrows arch before my fingers touch the keyboard. i mean. i've written about love many times before. but it's indirect. vague. fiddly. it branches off or has many other things branching off from it. its a very inexperienced topic. or, rather, to be more specific-the feelings are.
not to say that i don't love people. i do. i love my friends and the essential people in my life. but when it comes to men, something is just not there. Looking back at my past "relationships" i was never really in love with anyone. there was lust. there was curiosity. there was thrill. there was time to be spent and conversations to be had. smiles to be shared and pleasure to be received - , and pleasure to be given. is my aloof demeanor on this certain intimacy to be pitied? some may say so. some may say "oh that poor woman, afraid of love." "she doesn't know a thing about anything." "she's cold. she's heartless, ignorant, mean, inept."

There is nothing in thinking these things, those words hold nothing but definitions. definitions that define nothing because they are exclusively notional. people look pea-brained putting themselves above others just so, in this way. i only think it's sad when people don't know how to be alone. when they can't stand to enjoy themselves, by themselves. how can someone be incapable of being in love? how? how.
because, i do not think love is an ability. --
love is simply a belief.
and do i believe in it?
of course. of course i do. why wouldn't i? it's all i'm about. it's all i express. it's all i ever talk about, you just don't know it.

and at times i think that certain people weren't meant for a love like this. that when they were born they were meant to be in love with their own being. they were meant to have others fall in love with them. they were meant to be in love with something-art, energy, performing, dancing, music, speaking etc. they were meant to feel the float on their own. to create it, to generate it, to design it, to sow its seeds.
or maybe i'm just pulling shit out of my ass.

regardless of the shit-pulling--the only man i have ever loved and do love is my older brother. he is the one person in the entire world that i would not be able to live without.,-- / without knowing that he is there. i love him i love him i love him. no one could ever replace him. he is beautiful. no man is as good as he is.

12:40 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

	today one of my co-workers asked me what kind of hispanic i was. she was surprised when i told her that i was partially dominican, saying that i had an extremely thick portuguese accent when i spoke spanish. i thought that was pretty cool considering my mix consists of nothing from either portugal or brazil.
	5:35 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Sunday, July 05, 2009

glowing orange

with the two small velvet pouches in her hands, she tossed them out the window. the birds didn't wait for even a second. though they had been waiting for countless life times. while raising and unravelling their vast glowing-orange and yellow pinions, they tucked the falling hands between cerise colored claws. ascending soundlessly upward. in this world, or in this place, the trees stood tall. so tall they were that their tops bent a little with their touch against the steaming day sky--whose clouds were now leaking burning stars. yet the two birds flew, swaying the canopies with their whopping wings until they became small coruscating orange specks.

her eyes then turned from what was left to be seen of the creatures. she observed the hole in her left rib cage. the chipped broken bones that stuck in her skin. her heart that was beating a little bit slower than before. and her two wrists, missing their hands. she was left with nothing but her eager irises to behold the end.

question:
its the end of the world. what do you have to offer to make the next evolution remember?
ps. i don't know what to put into the other pouch.

3:19 AM - 23 views - 2 eprops - 2 comments - email it

Friday, July 03, 2009

me

change, my darling, change. there is always change. live without a care. you beautiful sad young woman. you have no mother. no father. you were merely created out of thin air. imagine that.

edit / / july 8

so i was never good at being honest. though with people it comes mostly easily. but with myself it is ridiculously convoluted. what i'm saying is- i wrote this. this quote is by me. only me. just me. i swear. i have always been comfortable with the spreading of my mind and heart over the rest of you souls. it feels like i am supposed to, it feels natural. yet even so-- at times it is extremely toilsome. so i hide behind these quotation marks. pretending that it is somebody else who wrote this. that i don't get like this. that i don't think these things. that i don't get this sad.

: i wrote this while i was digging myself out of the hole of despair.
oh and don't go around thinking that i steal other peoples words. i would shoot myself if i ever came to that. i have had my fair share of word thieves. and i would really love to run them over with a bulldozer, hearing them admit in high pitch screeches that they're uncreative half wits with no sense of shame.

i am now going take down the quotation marks off each side of this. and stop being a pussy. and re-title this.

12:42 AM - 39 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Friday, June 26, 2009

Tarantella

i have danced upon souls and hearts.
eating all they had to give. feeling all they had to feel.
stroking their lures. sporting their furs.
laughing at their gist. slicing their life-
playfully

only sanctioning this pain upon myself
occasionally-
when needed to

because everyone needs to.
-
control. power.
hand in hand with lambent lightness, and sweet
saccharine smiles
oh, how.
i have teared with these ardors for miles.

chain me. rein me In.
dig me
with your own,
find me. hurt me. peel me. rend me.
make me love you.

i am too tired to
caper on this grass anymore
my eyes are lone [ly]
my feet are sore, my hips are bruised
make me fly
-[i am strapped for(a) fuse]
make me Die High
make me love you
make me want

want to love you.

1:27 AM - 40 views - 6 eprops - 4 comments - email it

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